Chapter 20

Even as she spoke playfully, Ayeon couldn’t help but chuckle when she saw the serious look in Sunwoo’s eyes at the end of her words.

“No.”

He kept talking about random things, which allowed her to stop thinking for a while.

She had felt like she was stuck inside a raging storm, but for the moment, it felt like she had taken refuge in a quiet place.

“Go on, try it.”

“…Okay.”

She gave a faint smile and picked up her chopsticks.

It was a relief.

In the past few days, she had barely eaten properly. She couldn’t even remember what she had eaten or if she had eaten at all.

She had no appetite, and even when she did manage to eat a little, it wouldn’t digest properly.

But the meat that Sunwoo had gently placed on her plate really was as good as he’d said.

Good enough to awaken the dulled taste in her mouth.

And there was something else she was grateful for.

Even though he had seen her falling apart in such a pitiful state earlier, thanks to him, she hadn’t sat on the street crying for long like a fool.

He hadn’t pressed her with questions about why she had been crying either.

* * *

After having lunch with Sunwoo, Ayeon returned to campus and sat alone in the lecturers’ office, opening her laptop.

There was an email waiting from The Mind.

The email outlined the publisher’s intentions for the book and the kind of content they hoped it would include.

They wanted Ayeon to write her research as candidly as possible and expressed their desire to fully bring her voice to life in the book. They also mentioned their high expectations for her, given her history in social psychology research.

Ayeon felt overwhelmed and afraid, but she couldn’t take back what she had agreed to.

Going back on a decision was something she had never done in her entire life.

She exhaled shakily, hesitated for a long moment, then sent her reply. She wrote that she understood.

But as soon as she opened a new document, her fellow lecturers began streaming into the office.

In the end, she didn’t manage to write a single word. Frustrated, she left her desk and headed for the courtyard in the Social Sciences building.

She dropped onto an empty bench and blinked slowly.

She recalled every word Assistant Manager Joo had said earlier.

‘She’s still a student. It was just a summer internship. They’re alumni, so apparently they’re close.’

The reality of Jooheon’s company being so different from what she had imagined had shocked her, and the story about the female intern made her blood run cold.

She wanted to send her swirling thoughts away with the soft autumn breeze, but it didn’t work.

If anything, she wished she had a class to teach that day, but she didn’t. She couldn’t focus on her paper either, so she was simply letting time slip away.

She watched the trees swaying in the wind.

The deep green leaves were slowly turning autumnal shades. Just a few days ago, she’d thought they looked beautiful, but today, they seemed unbearably lonely.

Then it happened.

“How was your internship over the break?”

Ayeon turned her head quickly. A student with hair dyed almost blonde was chatting with her friend.

Her heart began to pound wildly.

Could it be.

Was she the psychology student who had been in her class.

She’d done an internship.

Without realizing it, Ayeon began eavesdropping and watching them closely.

“I thought it’d be different at a big company, but it was the same. They just made me do grunt work. The copier and I became best friends.”

The student turned her head slightly as she spoke.

It wasn’t the student Ayeon had been thinking of.

And if it was a big company, it definitely wasn’t Jooheon’s.

A quiet breath escaped her lips.

“Still, it’ll probably help when you apply for jobs.”

“That’s the only reason I did it. I even gave up traveling to do that internship. Ugh.”

Their conversation soon turned to everyday topics.

Ayeon finally let their voices wash over her without paying attention.

“Ha.”

She pressed her forehead with her hand and let out a low sigh.

Then she placed a hand on her chest and gave a self-deprecating laugh.

She felt ridiculous and sad that she’d gotten so worked up just because of the words “intern” and “dyed hair.”

Just then, a wave of students spilled out of the building as classes ended.

It was a scene she had witnessed for over a decade.

She had spent years teaching psychology to these students on this campus.

She had enjoyed it.

She had always dreamed of continuing to share psychology with them for as long as she could, even as she grew older.

But now…

Why was she watching them with wary eyes.

The tension in her gaze felt foreign to her.

“What should we eat?”

“I’m starving.”

Their faces were bright and innocent.

Their carefully put-together outfits, showing the effort they had made, looked fresh and lovely.

But her expression slowly hardened as she watched them.

Yoon Jooheon, did you look at them like that too.

Is that why you…

She heard the students chatting again.

“Are you going to the clubroom later?”

“I don’t know. I’ve got assignments.”

“Your favorite sunbae is coming.”

“For real? Where’d you even hear that. Ah, no way. Guess I can’t skip then.”

Their scrunched-up but smiling faces were adorable.

Even the more unassuming students looked radiant.

It was like they were living in a perpetual spring.

They were all in the golden period of their lives, their early twenties, the most beautiful time of youth.

Youth and vitality were certainly alluring.

So, is that why you wanted it.

Anyone might find it tempting, but not everyone crosses that line.

Society has morals for a reason.

They exist to keep the world intact.

But Jooheon, were you one of the few who didn’t care.

Ayeon furrowed her brows as she remembered something he had said not long ago.

‘Do you know I get nervous every time you go to campus?’

‘Why?’

‘Because what if those fearless students hit on you.’

It wasn’t some fearless student who had hit on someone. It was Jooheon who had gone after someone barely in her twenties.

‘These days the students are so smart and pretty, you could never compete.’

‘Do you really have to keep comparing me to girls over ten years younger? I’ve aged a lot, you know.’

‘You look exactly the same to me as when I first met you. …I love you, Ayeon.’

Maybe if he hadn’t said such shameless things, the betrayal would have hurt less.

Her gaze followed the groups of students dispersing, cold and chaotic.

“Ha.”

She let out another low sigh, wondering what she was even doing.

She was curious about exactly which woman Jooheon had gone after, but at the same time, she wondered if it might be better not to know.

She had learned long ago how exhausting and cruel it was to hate someone.

But not knowing who it was had allowed that hatred to fade, little by little, over time.

That didn’t mean she could erase their existence.

They would still suddenly come to mind, and it would still hurt.

She had once thought that if she had to experience that kind of pain once in her life, the person she’d already hated would be enough.

She didn’t want to live her life hating someone new.

That would be too cruel.

If she found out who Jooheon’s woman was and ended up hating her, the pain would be unimaginable.

Just then.

“Professor?”

Someone called out to her.

She lifted her head. It was the returning student who had given her orange juice before.

“Are you okay? You look really pale.”

“Ah, I’m fine.”

She forced a small smile.

“Your class is over?”

“Yes.”

He scratched the back of his head as he answered.

“Then I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

“Okay. Don’t forget the report.”

“Yes, ma’am!”

He saluted playfully near his eyebrow, just like before, and walked off.

Watching him go, Ayeon let out a quiet sigh.

Just a few days ago, she had felt like she was wandering endlessly through a dark tunnel after failing to secure the professorship.

She had tried to gather her strength again and take steps toward the light at the end of that tunnel.

But where she stood now felt less like a tunnel and more like a pit.

A dark pit she couldn’t escape no matter how hard she struggled.

She looked up at the sunset-colored sky and thought of someone she missed.

Someone she wished were by her side at a time like this.

Someone who had once been her everything.

Her one and only ally in the world.

But now, someone who was no longer there.