Chapter 44

“Where did the count go?”

I took a light breath and paused as I stepped into the dining room for dinner.

Only the duke sat at the table. Count Alnor and his party were gone, and none of our own retinue were in sight.

The duke answered my puzzled look.

“If you mean Count Alnor, he had urgent business and left.”

“But he said he’d stay a few days and tour Lombard. Why would he suddenly— did you do something wrong, Your Grace?”

“That’s unlikely.”

The duke chuckled as if he’d heard a dry joke.

Well, northern nobles would do anything to catch the eye of the duke who held absolute power in the north. If one of them actually turned down a chance to cozy up to him, whatever came up had to be serious.

‘What now?’

Since dinner wasn’t necessary, I could just leave.

But if I left now it would look like I was avoiding being alone with the duke. I’d look like a frightened animal bolting its tail between its legs.

That would bruise my pride.

I had zero desire to sit and have a pleasant meal with him, but was I really going to run away from him out of fear?

While I was stuck, Berthold appeared through the servants’ passage.

“You’re here, madam?”

“Berthold.”

“Dinner’s just ready. Please sit over here.”

Berthold, with a friendly face, pulled out a chair for me.

The problem was that it put me directly opposite the duke.

If he’d sat at the head of the table like a guest, our gazes would have been at right angles and I’d have been more comfortable. But at the narrow table, being face to face felt awkward.

Why had I come down to the lower seat instead of leaving the head empty? This wasn’t the sort of relationship where we got to sit familiarly together.

“Madam?”

“Oh, yes.”

Berthold and the duke stared at me while I stood blankly. I didn’t really want to, but I was a bit hungry, so I sat down with low expectations to just fill my stomach.

When the steward signaled, the servants brought the food.

It was an unexpected menu.

“I heard you’ve had a poor appetite lately, so we prepared something easy to eat for you.”

“…”

“How is it?”

Berthold watched me nervously and asked.

The meal was far too humble for a dinner. A plain white plate held a warm vegetable stew, another plate had freshly baked rye bread and a little sliced meat.

It looked rough but made with care.

‘Strange.’

I swallowed the sudden emotion that rose up.

They were foods I’d really loved in the life before.

While I stared at the table, the elderly steward hurried on.

“If you’d rather have something else, I can—”

“No need. I like it.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.”

Berthold visibly relaxed and smiled with quiet pride.

“Today’s menu was chosen by the mistress herself. She liked simple home cooking when she was at the abbey, so we remembered—”

“Berthold.”

“My apologies.”

The duke gave a short rebuke and the steward shut up right away, though the unreadable smile at his eyes remained.

I felt slightly uneasy as I picked up my utensils, but I decided not to worry about it.

‘The duke wouldn’t fuss over my taste. Berry must’ve told him.’

Thinking back, since Berry returned with me to Lombard castle, the meals had somehow matched my preferences. The menu shifted from rich, buttery, heavily spiced food to simple, neat home cooking.

‘Ah, the poor fate of a maid.’

Berthold stealing the credit and the duke accepting it so naturally, people who’d once been my subordinates made me sigh with resentment without meaning to.

‘Berry, I know your heart, so don’t worry.’

Despite my grudge, my hands and mouth kept bringing food to me.

My chest tightened at times, but that was probably because I was eating too fast and my throat went dry.

“Take your time. No one will snatch it.”

“I-I’m not just greedy. I’m hungry, that’s all. I’m just hungry.”

The duke offered me water.

Worried he might notice something odd, I grabbed the glass and drank it down, then changed the subject.

“Anyway, I’m glad the lawsuit was resolved. Thanks for your hard work.”

“You did the work, madam.”

“I heard people were trashing me behind my back.”

“There are noisy people everywhere. Good deeds always bring gossip, so don’t hold it in your heart.”

“I didn’t expect Your Grace to say that.”

I put down my fork and looked at the duke.

He met my gaze as calmly as ever, then suddenly stood and reached out.

A long, firm finger touched my cheek.

* * *

“Your Grace?”

“…Ah.”

Edwin was startled.

Their eyes had just met, and before he realized it his hand had reached out, like old friends who’d always stood close by each other’s sides.

‘What have I done?’

The same kind of meal, the same easy jokes, the same looks. The color had changed, but the warmth inside felt like a very old memory that could break him every time.

A belated realization of the impulse hit him.

“The stew splashed.”

“Excuse me?”

“It splashed on your cheek.”

Had his worn mind finally snapped?

Hoping to appear as unflustered as ever to Elicia, Edwin slowly withdrew.

As expected, Elicia snapped.

“D-Don’t you know any manners toward a lady? We’re alone, so why point that out now?”

“If you find it later in the inner room it’ll bother you more.”

“Even if you dislike me, you never let me have the last word. Berthold!”

She made an ugly face and rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand, then searched for a mirror.

Berthold rushed over in alarm and handed the flustered mistress a small hand mirror, looking at us with bewilderment.

‘What did you say that made the mood so strange?’

His expression read the question even though his mouth was shut.

This Berthold, apparently fond of Elicia, had been trying hard to bring the two of us closer together as a couple.

His effort was admirable but—

‘That won’t happen.’

Edwin snorted.

He felt unworthy to draw near Elicia. He hadn’t protected her. He’d failed her and in the end sent her toward death. How could he look at her the same way?

Still, he felt grateful that by some miracle, if not a divine one, he could stand before her again and, under the name of husband, protect her without worrying about others’ glances.

Yes, his role now was clear.

But feelings he’d locked away leaked out despite himself.

‘I’m overwhelmed with anxiety.’

The turning point was probably when Elicia had taken poison and didn’t tell anyone and passed the matter along. The Hemocaran incident had always been on his hands. If anything had happened to her without his knowledge…

If he failed to protect her again…

The gnawing anxiety ate at his already damaged mind.

He hovered around her, watching her sleep, and slept long without nightmares for the first time in ages.

Seeing Elicia brought joy and guilt at once.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

A blazing sun, a barren desert, a famished wanderer collapsing before forbidden fruit.

“Your Grace, are you listening?”

“Of course.”

Edwin snapped back to the present.

He wore his flawless, composed face, masking the darkness that gnawed at his head.

Elicia chattered on.

“So, about that… can you spare a work crew from Lombard castle? I want to inspect the land I bought.”

“No.”

“Huh?!”

She had assumed he’d agree without question.

That wasn’t unreasonable.

He would gladly do many things for her, but Elicia needed to understand how beloved she was by the people of the domain. Given her past of hopes dashed and wounds taken, it wouldn’t be easy.

“You’ll be fine without my hands.”