Chapter 67

* * *

Maybe it was the price of finally speaking that name again.

For the first time, I dreamed about that day.

* * *

It was a night thick with storm clouds.

I hurried down the castle’s long corridor.

Even someone like me rarely went into the lord’s bedchamber, but tonight was different. Steward Berthold had come for me in a panic.

“Berthold, I’m here.”

“Sorry to call at this hour.”

“It’s fine. I was working late anyway.”

Berthold’s worried face brightened for a moment at my voice.

But his expression quickly fell again.

Tomorrow the princess Elicia would arrive from the capital and my lord had been drinking hard since before sundown.

He was always controlled and exacting, never one to fall apart. Seeing him drown himself in strong liquor like this made Berthold worry that he might cause some big scandal or worse an illness before he could greet the princess.

“Above all, Lord Edwin is my friend.”

Berthold knew well just how much Edwin despised the capital.

He was gentle and steady like a deep lake and rarely showed a bad side, but when the death of his father, the previous duke, came up he never hid his hatred for the royal family.

“I know it’s not fitting, but Lord Edwin is my dearest friend. I’ll try to talk him down.”

“Thank you.”

I took a deep breath and gripped the doorknob.

Only Berthold, Sir Cedric the chief aide, and I stood in the dark corridor.

If a drunken Edwin made a scene we’d be blown aside like paper, but at least one of us would be able to handle him, I thought with a strange sense of relief.

“I’m coming in.”

I slipped my head inside the room.

Outside the window the sky was heavy with clouds and inside there was not a single light. I figured nothing drastic would happen in Edwin’s bedchamber, but the moment I closed the door a loud crack echoed right by my ear.

“I told you not to let anyone in.”

“It was me.”

His tone was threatening but his articulation was slurred with drink, proof he wasn’t sober.

My heart thumped, but I steadied myself and answered.

A short silence followed, then I heard him fumble as he struggled to sit up.

“Elze?”

“I was worried about you, Lord Edwin. Your greeting is a bit much.”

“Sorry. I thought you were someone else.”

As I moved further in the smell of strong liquor and stale cigar smoke hit me.

When I started coughing, Edwin hurried to open the window and then stoked the fire.

Even while facing a humiliating royal marriage by decree, Edwin could still be gentle and kind.

“Ah, the drink’s cleared my head.”

He splashed cold water on his face, then slumped onto the sofa.

I found my way to sit beside him in the darkness.

He tilted his head back and covered his eyes with his arm.

“You all right?”

“…You are.”

“Huh?”

“You, are you all right?”

What could my state matter. I wasn’t the one marrying a princess from the capital.

I tried to say that, but the words got stuck. I couldn’t easily say I’m fine.

“I’m… a subject of Lombard. We northerners never forget favors or enmity.”

“Is that all? The capital is my father’s enemy?”

Silence. Even in the dark his eyes burned at me like the sun, searching for some hidden truth. There was a coldness, but also a desperate intensity in them.

I avoided his gaze first.

“Wait, Edwin.”

The silence broke when he grabbed a bottle from the table.

I clung to his arm, but without hesitation he downed the strong amber liquid as if it would poison him to hesitate.

“Let’s run away, Elze.”

“Lord Edwin?”

“Forget Lombard and titles and run far away.”

We’ll hide in some unknown village. I’ll hunt and earn money and you’ll teach or write books. We’ll live like ordinary people without worries.

His voice sounded like someone vomiting those words out. He knew how impossible that was. Still—

“Elze.”

He called my name like a life raft.

I couldn’t turn to look at him.

‘Edwin is not in his right mind.’

He had unexpectedly inherited the dukedom after the previous duke’s death.

He had been the obvious, praised heir. Now he had to defend Lombard among sly nobles, resist the capital’s meddling, and take on the humiliating royal marriage. Everything around him tightened like a noose. Anyone could understand a breakdown.

“When your head clears you’ll regret it.”

“That’s not true.”

“Lord Edwin, you reached out to me when I was broken after losing my parents. Being your lifelong friend and knowing someone like you is more than I could ever ask for.”

“Don’t say that, Elze. Don’t belittle yourself. I, I—”

Time passed. The silence grew heavy until Edwin looked away first.

His faded eyes glistened.

He had never cried even when his father died. He chose duty for the people over his private grief.

Now he was different.

“Please say anything, Elze. Please.”

“You’re stronger than anyone I know.”

“Elze.”

“You’ll be happy. A merciful God won’t let you alone in suffering.”

“…”

A tear fell onto Edwin’s pale cheek.

I wanted to reach out, but I lowered my head, recalling my own impossible position.

No way. He lived in a different world, one I could only ever look up at. My feelings didn’t matter. Speaking them felt almost sacrilegious.

All I could do was pray that some way, somehow, he would find happiness and be saved from pain.

* * *

Bellamare town square burned through the night.

The soldiers who had hunted the duchess were all dead or executed. The governor was torn apart by the enraged townspeople in the square.

There would be nothing left of his body.

Yet Edwin alone stayed by Elicia’s side among the wreckage.

He grew cold and sharp. Except for Gilbert, the duchess’s physician, no one dared enter her bedchamber.

No one made a sound.

‘Was I wrong?’

Seeing Elicia battered and broken, Edwin beat himself up without end.

He wanted her to live free, to follow her heart. In this life she was now noble enough not to be forced. He thought his role was merely to respect her choices and watch over her.

Yes, nothing more than that.

“But I never thought you’d throw yourself away like this.”

Elicia was in terrible shape. Her whole body had been harmed.

Her once-injured wrist was swollen and discolored. Her ankle lay crooked and seemed broken.

Her body was scraped and torn by sharp cave walls and entirely bloodied.

Hearing Gilbert mutter that it was a wonder she could stand like that, Edwin nearly went mad.

“I don’t want to chain you.”

He had vowed not to cage a free soul. But every time she put herself in danger, every time she risked everything for someone else, watching it happen again and again became unbearable.

If he had been a moment later, if he’d hesitated, the soldier’s spear might have pierced her chest.

Just imagining that made a terrifying sound echo in his empty head.

The world around him spun black.